Miscarriage is a deeply personal and often heart-wrenching experience. Sadly, it’s more common than many people realise. Around 1 in 5 pregnancies in the UK ends in miscarriage, yet it’s a topic often shrouded in silence. For those supporting someone they care about through this experience, it can feel hard to know what to say or do. Here are some ways to provide comfort and support during this difficult time.

One of the most meaningful things you can do is acknowledge their loss. A miscarriage isn’t just the loss of a pregnancy – it’s the loss of a child. Saying something simple like, “I’m so sorry for your loss” can mean the world. Validate their feelings by letting them know it’s okay to grieve, no matter how early the pregnancy was. And avoid dismissive statements like “You can try again” or “At least it happened early”. These can unintentionally minimise their grief. Instead, create a space where they feel seen and supported.

Everyone processes grief differently. Some people want to talk about their baby and their feelings, while others may prefer silence. Let them lead the conversation, and don’t pressure them to open up if they’re not ready. Be present and resist the urge to offer solutions or ‘fix’ their pain. Sometimes, just sitting quietly together can be more comforting than words.

There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Some people might feel ready to move forward quickly, while others may take months or even years. Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and it’s important to respect their process without rushing them. Also, remember that grief can come in waves. They may seem fine one day and struggle the next. Small gestures, like remembering their due date, the anniversary of their loss, or simply checking in, can show your continued support and remind them they’re not alone.

Miscarriage is not a one-size-fits-all experience. There are different types of miscarriage, each with its own physical and emotional challenges. Understanding these can help you provide more meaningful support.

• Chemical Pregnancy – This occurs very early in pregnancy, often before the person even knows they’re pregnant. It’s detected by a pregnancy test but resolves before an ultrasound can confirm a gestational sac.
• Missed Miscarriage – Also known as a silent miscarriage, this happens when the baby stops developing but the body doesn’t immediately recognise the loss. It’s often discovered during a routine scan.
• Ectopic Pregnancy – This occurs when the fertilised egg implants outside the uterus, usually in a fallopian tube. It can be life-threatening and requires immediate medical attention.
• Blighted Ovum – This happens when a fertilised egg implants but doesn’t develop into an embryo. The sac grows, but the pregnancy is not viable.
• Recurrent Miscarriage – Defined as having three or more consecutive miscarriages, this can be physically and emotionally exhausting.

Learning about these types not only broadens your understanding, but also shows that you care enough to educate yourself about their experience.

Grief can be overwhelming, making even simple daily tasks feel impossible. Offer practical help, whether it’s cooking meals, doing school runs, running errands or helping with household chores. “Can I drop off dinner for you on Wednesday?” or “Would you like me to pick up the groceries?” is often more helpful than a vague “Let me know if you need anything.” Even offering to sit with them while they rest can be a source of relief.

While it’s natural to want to help, it’s important to respect their boundaries. They may not want to talk about their experience or accept certain kinds of support. Be sensitive and don’t take it personally if they turn down your help. Avoid pushing them to move on, but let them know you’re there when they’re ready to engage on their terms. Patience and understanding are key.

The partner’s grief is often overlooked, but they’ve also experienced a loss. Partners may feel they need to be strong for their loved one, which can make it harder for them to express their own feelings. Acknowledge their grief, check in with them and offer them the same compassion and support. Let them know it’s okay for them to grieve too, and encourage them to share how they’re feeling. They may also appreciate practical support or someone to talk to about their own experience.

Sometimes, grief can feel too big to manage alone. If you notice they’re struggling to cope, gently encourage them to seek professional help. The Laura Centre specialises in bereavement support and offers compassionate guidance for individuals and families. Reaching out to a service like ours can provide a safe space to navigate their grief and find ways to heal.

Supporting someone after a miscarriage can feel daunting, but your care and understanding can make a meaningful difference. By showing up and listening, you can help them feel less alone in their journey of healing.

If you need help and supporting following the loss of a child, parent or sibling, remember you can turn to The Laura Centre.