When your child dies, the pain can feel all-consuming. And when you have other children to care for, that pain becomes even more complex. 

Trying to stay present for your child while dealing with your own heartbreak is one of the hardest things a grieving parent can face. Some days might feel manageable. Others might leave you wondering how you’ll get through the next hour, let alone the next year.

But even in the toughest moments, your presence matters. This guide offers some gentle ideas for navigating life as a grieving parent while supporting your living child in ways that feel real and sustainable.

Grief doesn’t come with a roadmap. As a grieving parent, your emotions might swing between sadness, numbness, guilt or even flashes of peace or laughter that feel confusing. Some days you might want to talk about your child who died. Other days you might want to shut the world out.

There is no right way to grieve, and there is no timeline. What matters is not pushing those feelings down or judging yourself for having them. Acknowledging your grief is the first step in staying emotionally open to your surviving child.

Children process loss differently from adults. While you may be submerged in grief, your child might seem fine one minute and fall apart the next. That’s normal. Their understanding of death changes with age and development, and they’ll take their cues from you.

How Children Understand & Express Grief – By Age 

Children understand and express grief differently depending on their age. Toddlers and young children may not yet grasp that death is permanent. They might ask when the person is coming back or seem unaffected at times. Primary-aged children usually understand that death is final, but they often have many questions and worries, sometimes fearing it could happen again. Teenagers tend to have a more adult understanding of death, but they may struggle with intense emotions and prefer not to talk about it, keeping their feelings to themselves.

What Your Child Might Need From You

• Clear, age-appropriate honesty
• Reassurance that their emotions are okay
• Stability, even in small ways (bedtimes, routines)
• Knowing that the person who died is not a taboo subject

Reassuring Them When You Don’t Have All The Answers

You don’t need to have everything figured out. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know,” or “I feel really sad too.” Being emotionally honest helps your child feel safe to do the same. For a grieving parent, these shared moments of vulnerability can be healing for both of you.

Grief can create distance, but it can also be a bridge. Even in pain, there are ways to stay connected to your child and to the memory of the person you’ve lost.

• Talk about the person who died – Mention their name, share stories and encourage your child to do the same.

• Create new rituals or traditions together – Light a candle, plant a tree, make a scrapbook – do whatever feels right for your family.

• Share emotions openly and honestly – Let your child see that it’s okay to cry, laugh or talk about hard feelings.

Small, everyday acts of connection can help your child feel safe and loved, even in the middle of grief.

Grief doesn’t pause everyday life. As a grieving parent, even basic routines like getting dressed, making meals or handling school runs can feel exhausting. You might not get everything done, and that’s okay. Focus on what’s necessary and give yourself permission to let the rest wait.

• Getting through daily routines when everything feels heavy – Focus on one thing at a time. Breakfast. School run. Bedtime. That’s enough.

• Handling school, bedtime and other disruptions – Let your child’s teachers know what’s happened. It can make a huge difference.

• When you and your child grieve differently – Everyone grieves in their own way. Respecting those differences builds trust and resilience.

When you’re a working parent, balancing it all can be even more tough. If possible, speak to your employer about flexible hours or time off. For more helpful guidance, you can read our resource ‘Returning To Work After A Bereavement’.

Looking after yourself might feel like the last thing on your mind, but it matters. Grief is exhausting, physically and mentally, and no one can keep going without taking a break now and then.

Try to find small ways to take care of yourself, even if it’s just getting some fresh air, eating a decent meal, checking in with a friend or taking ten minutes alone without distraction. You don’t need to be okay all the time. Taking time to rest, asking for help or stopping for a moment isn’t weakness, it’s how you keep going.

There’s no shame in needing more support. If you or your child are struggling to function, feeling stuck or finding it hard to connect with each other, it might be time to reach out.

Consider seeking help if – 

• Your child is withdrawing, acting out or showing signs of anxiety or depression

• You’re feeling constantly overwhelmed, hopeless or numb

• Communication has broken down between you and your child

• You’re not sure how to move forward

Specialist bereavement counselling can offer space to talk, feel and begin to heal. We’ve shared our recommendations for useful contacts following loss here.

At The Laura Centre in Leicester, we offer specialist bereavement counselling for grieving parents and their families. Whether you need individual support, sibling support or family sessions, we’re here to help you navigate life after loss.

If you’re a grieving parent trying to stay present for your child, you’re not alone, and you don’t have to figure it all out on your own. Visit thelauracentre.org.uk to find out more about how we can support your family.