Grief is something most people will face in their lives. But what we’re told about how it’s meant to look or feel can make the experience even harder. Whether it’s well-meaning advice like “stay strong” or familiar sayings like “time heals all wounds,” these ideas often come from a place of wanting to help. But they don’t always reflect the reality of grief, and for those who are grieving, they can add pressure, guilt, or confusion.

Many of the most common myths about grief aren’t just unhelpful, they can stop people from feeling like their experience is valid. The truth is, there’s no right way to grieve. No perfect timeline. No checklist to follow. Unlearning the things we think we should feel can be the first step in making space for what we actually feel.

One of the most widespread myths about grief is that time heals everything. And while time can change how grief feels, it doesn’t magically erase it. Some days might get easier. Others might still knock you off your feet, even years later. That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong, it just means grief doesn’t work on a schedule.

What Actually Helps With Healing

Healing often comes from support, connection, talking about your loss and allowing yourself to feel what you feel – without judgement. It might mean counselling. It might mean leaning on friends. It might mean sitting quietly with your memories. Time can help if we’re allowed to use it to grieve, not just to wait for the feelings to disappear.

Grieving people often feel like they have to stay strong, especially if they’re supporting children, organising practical things or seen as the person others rely on. But putting pressure on yourself to “hold it together” can lead to bottling everything up, which only makes things harder in the long run.

Strength Can Look Like Crying, Asking for Help, Or Doing Nothing

Being strong doesn’t mean pretending you’re okay. It can mean letting yourself break down, asking for support or simply getting through the day. Real strength is being honest about what you need, not trying to be unaffected.

Not everyone cries when they’re grieving. Some people go numb. Others get angry. Some focus on practical tasks. Some need to talk about it constantly, while others don’t say a word. Grief is personal, and how it shows up depends on the person, the situation and what they feel safe expressing.

Grief Isn’t Always Loud

Grief can be quiet. It can be slow. It can come out in headaches, tiredness, forgetfulness or bursts of emotion at unexpected moments. The idea that you have to show your grief in a certain way is one of the most misleading myths about grief, and one that causes a lot of people to question whether they’re ‘doing it properly.’ You are.

You don’t have to ‘move on’ after six months, a year or even five years. You might always carry your grief in some way. And that’s okay. The idea that there’s a set time to stop grieving often leaves people feeling like they’re stuck or failing, when in fact, they’re just human.

Moving Forward Vs. Moving On

There’s a big difference between moving on and moving forward. Moving on suggests leaving your loss behind, as if it never mattered. Moving forward means continuing with life while carrying that loss with you. It’s possible to laugh again, make plans and find joy, and still miss someone deeply. That doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten them. It means you’re living alongside your grief.

Keeping busy can help distract you in the short term, and that’s not always a bad thing. But staying constantly busy to avoid your feelings is a different story. Sooner or later, grief finds a way to surface. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away, it just pushes it down until it shows up in other ways, like burnout, anxiety or exhaustion.

The Importance of Making Space for Feelings

Grief needs space. That might mean setting aside quiet time, having a conversation with someone you trust, or giving yourself permission to feel upset without needing to explain why. It’s okay to rest. It’s okay to stop. You don’t have to fill every minute to cope.

Unlearning myths about grief takes time, especially when the world around us keeps repeating them. But you don’t have to go through grief alone.

At The Laura Centre, we offer specialist bereavement support for anyone who has experienced the death of a child, parent or sibling. Whether you need one-to-one counselling, a safe space to talk or just want to be heard without judgement, we’re here.

Grief is messy, personal and different for everyone. But whatever you’re feeling, you’re not doing it wrong – and you’re not alone.

To find out more or access support, visit thelauracentre.org.uk.