Most children and young people will experience grief at some point in their lives. For many, the support of family, school and trusted adults is enough to help them adjust over time. But for some, grief becomes more complex, overwhelming or disruptive – and that’s when child bereavement support from a specialist service may be needed.

For professionals working with children and young people, knowing when to step in, what to look for and how to refer can feel uncertain. This guide is designed to help you recognise when additional child bereavement support may be appropriate, and how to act with confidence and care.

Grief in children often looks very different to grief in adults. Rather than a steady emotional response, children tend to move in and out of their grief. They may appear fine one moment and deeply distressed the next.

It’s also common for grief to show up through behaviour rather than words. Younger children may not have the language to describe how they feel, while teenagers may actively avoid talking about their loss.

Importantly, there’s no fixed timeframe for grief. Some children appear to cope initially and struggle later, while others show intense reactions early on that gradually settle.

Child bereavement support isn’t about ‘fixing’ grief, but about supporting a child when grief begins to interfere with their emotional wellbeing, development or daily functioning.

If you’re supporting a young person at school, you may find our resource ‘How To Support A Bereaved Student Returning To School’ helpful.

Many reactions to bereavement are part of a normal adjustment process, even when they look concerning at first glance. Common responses can include –

• Tearfulness, sadness or withdrawal

• Anger, irritability or mood swings

• Regression in behaviour (especially in younger children)

• Difficulties with concentration or learning

• Changes in sleep, appetite or energy

• Increased anxiety or clinginess

These responses may come and go, particularly around anniversaries, transitions or reminders of the person who has died. In these cases, reassurance, routine and emotional availability from adults may be enough.

Child bereavement support becomes more important when these responses persist, intensify or begin to significantly impact the child’s life.

While grief itself is not a mental health condition, it can increase vulnerability to emotional distress if a child doesn’t feel supported or safe enough to process their loss.

Signs that a child may benefit from professional child bereavement support include –

• Grief that doesn’t ease over time, or appears to be intensifying

• Persistent withdrawal from peers, activities or learning

• Ongoing emotional distress such as frequent panic, anger or tearfulness

• Significant changes in behaviour, including risk-taking or aggression

• Prolonged numbness or detachment

• Strong feelings of guilt, blame or responsibility for the death

• Physical symptoms with no clear medical cause

• Repeated expressions of hopelessness or worthlessness

It’s also important to consider the child’s wider context. Factors such as sudden or traumatic death, previous losses, limited family support or existing vulnerabilities can increase the need for specialist child bereavement support.

If you need guidance on what to say to a child who has experienced a loss, refer to our guide ‘Explaining Death To Children’.

When children and young people aren’t supported through their grief, it can affect their emotional development, relationships and ability to engage in education or care. Emotional distress may start to show up in how they relate to others, how safe they feel in the world and how they engage with learning or everyday routines.

Some children may become withdrawn, finding it difficult to trust adults or peers, while others may struggle to regulate their emotions, leading to frequent outbursts or heightened anxiety. For some, unaddressed grief can impact concentration, motivation and school attendance, particularly when the loss is compounded by additional stressors or limited support at home.

It’s early access to child bereavement support that can reduce the risk of longer-term difficulties, and help children develop healthy coping strategies that carry into adulthood.

A referral for child bereavement support doesn’t require a child to be ‘in crisis’. In many cases, early intervention can prevent difficulties from escalating.

You may choose to consider referral when –

• Support within school, family or universal services is no longer sufficient

• The child’s grief is significantly impacting daily functioning

• You feel ‘stuck’ despite consistent support

• The child is asking for help, directly or indirectly

Trusting professional judgement is key. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s appropriate to explore additional child bereavement support rather than waiting for difficulties to worsen.

Conversations with families about bereavement support can feel sensitive, particularly when parents or carers are still grieving themselves.

Approaching these conversations with reassurance and clarity can help. Framing child bereavement support as additional help rather than a sign of failure often reduces anxiety and defensiveness. It can also be helpful to normalise the idea that children process grief differently to adults, and that extra support can give them a safe place to express feelings they may be holding back at home or in school.

Clear, compassionate communication helps families feel involved in the decision rather than judged by it, and can make engagement with support services much more positive.

Child bereavement support works best when professionals continue to play a role alongside specialist services.

Maintaining routines, offering emotional check-ins and being mindful of significant dates or transitions can all help reinforce the support a child is receiving. Where appropriate and with consent, sharing relevant information between services can also ensure that support is joined-up and responsive to the child’s needs.

This collaborative approach helps children experience a sense of safety and continuity, showing them that the adults around them are working together to support them through their grief.

When you’re supporting a bereaved child, it can feel like there’s pressure to get everything right. To say the perfect thing, avoid making it worse or somehow fix what’s happened.

It’s important to remember that this isn’t your role. You’re not expected to provide therapy or resolve a child’s grief.

For many children, what helps most is having an adult they trust who is consistent, emotionally available and willing to acknowledge that something difficult has happened. You don’t need specialist training to listen, notice changes or show care. Being present, predictable and compassionate already provides a significant layer of support.

Referring on is not a failure or a withdrawal of responsibility. It’s a way of widening the support around a child while you continue to play an important role in their daily life.

At The Laura Centre, we provide free, specialist child bereavement support for children and young people, as well as guidance for families and professionals.

We work with children and young people up to the age of 25 who are struggling following the death of a parent, carer or sibling. Our support is child-led, age-appropriate and delivered by trained practitioners who understand the complexity of grief.

We also support professionals by offering advice around referral, thresholds and understanding bereavement responses.

If you are unsure whether a child would benefit from child bereavement support, we’re happy to discuss this with you.

To learn more or make a referral, email us via info@thelauracentre.org.uk or call us on 0116 254 4341.