Returning to school after the death of a parent can be incredibly difficult. For a bereaved student, the school environment might suddenly feel unfamiliar, overwhelming, or emotionally triggering. Simple things like seeing other parents at pick-up, being asked about family in class or trying to concentrate can become major challenges. It’s not just about missing their parent – it’s about adjusting to a new version of daily life that no longer includes them.

This is where the role of school staff becomes so important. Teachers, pastoral teams and support staff might not always know what to say, and that’s okay. What matters most is consistency, kindness and flexibility. Creating a safe space where a bereaved student feels seen and supported can make a lasting difference during one of the hardest times in their life.

Before a student returns to school, the first thing you should look to do is speak with their family or carer. This gives you the chance to understand what the student has been told, what language is being used around the death and how much information the family is happy to share with the wider school community. Some families want teachers and classmates to be aware – others prefer privacy. Let their preferences guide your approach.

It’s also worth considering the student’s age, personality and the circumstances surrounding the loss. Grief in younger children might look like clinginess or confusion. In older students, it might come out as anger, silence or humour. A bereaved student might not know how to express what they’re feeling – or they might not want to talk at all. Give them space, but let them know you’re there. Support isn’t a one-time thing; it’s an ongoing process.

School doesn’t need to become a completely different place, but small, thoughtful adjustments can make it more manageable for a bereaved student. These changes shouldn’t draw attention to the student or mark them out as ‘different’, but instead offer flexibility, reassurance and quiet support.

Providing A Quiet Space For Breaks

Having somewhere calm to go when things feel overwhelming can be really helpful. It might be the library, a pastoral office or another quiet room. The important thing is that the student knows this space is always available, no questions asked.

Making Subtle Adjustments Without Drawing Attention

A few quiet changes can help the student navigate the day. That could mean sitting near the door so they can step out if needed, skipping certain lessons involving family topics or letting them arrive late if mornings are tough. These changes don’t need to be dramatic – just gentle ways of easing the pressure.

Identifying A Trusted Adult

Make sure there’s one key adult in school the student can go to if they need support. This could be a teacher, TA or pastoral staff member. It should be someone who’s consistent, kind and won’t push them to talk if they’re not ready. It’s about presence, not pressure.

Grief affects focus, memory and motivation, so expecting a bereaved student to perform exactly as before simply isn’t realistic. They may fall behind, lose interest or struggle to concentrate. Academic pressure during this time can add unnecessary stress and anxiety. The priority should be helping the student feel safe and supported, not caught up in deadlines or grades.

Flexible Deadlines & Reduced Homework 

Give the student space to manage their workload. That might mean less homework, more time to complete tasks or shifting focus to key subjects only. This isn’t about lowering standards – it’s about recognising emotional capacity.

Allowing ‘Catch Up’ At A Pace That Works

Rather than insisting they catch up immediately, allow the student to re-engage at a steady pace. Work with them to identify what they feel ready to tackle and when. A flexible approach helps build back confidence without overwhelming them.

Prioritise Wellbeing Over Grades In The Early Stages

Grief can feel all-consuming. Let the student (and their family) know that their wellbeing is more important than academic performance right now. When students feel emotionally supported, learning will follow in time.

Grief isn’t linear. A bereaved student might be laughing in the morning and completely shut down by the afternoon. They might want to talk, or they might not. Some days will feel okay, and others won’t. That emotional rollercoaster is completely normal, especially for children and young people who may not have the words to express what they’re feeling.

As school staff, your role isn’t to fix their grief, just to acknowledge it, hold space for it and respond with kindness. Let them know it’s okay to have bad days, and that school is a place where they won’t be punished for struggling. Keep communication open between staff members so everyone is aware of the support in place and can offer consistency throughout the day.

Parents or carers can also offer valuable insight into how the student is coping at home. A quick check-in, even just now and then, helps create a joined-up support system where school and home are working together.

Knowing When To Seek External Bereavement Support 

Some students may need additional help beyond what school can offer. If you notice prolonged withdrawal, increased anxiety, changes in eating patterns or signs that the student is struggling to function day-to-day, it might be time to explore specialist support. At The Laura Centre, we offer bereavement counselling and resources specifically for children and young people, and can support both families and professionals.

Other students often want to help, but may not know how. With the bereaved student’s consent, it can be useful to gently explain to their classmates what’s happened and how they can be supportive. That might mean reminding them to be patient, kind and not to ask too many questions.

You’ll also want to keep an eye out for any insensitive comments or jokes – even if they’re not meant to be hurtful. Make it clear that bullying or teasing won’t be tolerated, and deal with issues quickly and quietly if they arise.

Encourage classmates to include the student in group work, lunchtime chats or social activities, but don’t force it. Give the student space to opt in or out. Inclusion should always feel like an invitation, not an expectation.

You don’t have to do this alone. The Laura Centre offers specialist bereavement support for children and young people who have experienced the death of a parent, carer or sibling. We also provide advice and guidance to professionals, helping you feel more confident in offering support during this incredibly difficult time.

Whether you’re looking for one-to-one counselling referrals, training for your school or simply someone to talk to about a situation, we’re here to help.

To find out more, visit www.thelauracentre.org.uk or call 0116 254 4341.