Talking to children about mental health can feel daunting. Many adults worry about saying the wrong thing, making things worse or opening up a conversation they don’t know how to finish.

If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. The good news is that you don’t need the perfect words to support a child. What matters most is being present, listening and creating space for them to share how they’re feeling.

When children experience difficult thoughts or feelings without explanation, they tend to internalise them. They may assume something is wrong with them, that they’re being difficult or that their feelings are a problem to hide. Over time, this can lead children to suppress emotions rather than seek support.

Talking to children about mental health interrupts that process. It helps children understand that emotions have causes, that changes in how they feel aren’t a personal failure and that support is available before things escalate. This reduces fear and self-blame, and makes it easier for children to ask for help when they need it.

Many people assume mental health conversations should only happen once there are clear signs that something is wrong. In reality, early and gentle conversations are often the most helpful.

You might consider starting a conversation if you notice –

• Changes in behaviour, such as withdrawal, irritability or clinginess

• Emotional outbursts that feel bigger or more frequent than usual

• A child becoming unusually quiet or anxious

• Big life changes, including bereavement, illness, family changes or transitions

• A child asking unexpected questions about feelings, worries or the world

You don’t need to wait for a crisis. Sometimes the best time to talk is when something feels different.

Knowing how to talk to children about mental health often comes down to how you start the conversation.

Here are some practical things to consider.

• Choose a calm, familiar moment
  Car journeys, bedtime routines or quiet walks can feel safer than face-to-face conversations at a table.

• Use open, simple questions
  Try gentle prompts like “I’ve noticed you seem a bit quieter lately – how have things been feeling for you?”

• Let the child lead the pace
  Some children will share a lot straight away, others need time. Both are okay.

• Focus on listening, not fixing
  You don’t need to have solutions. Being heard is often what helps most.

If you’d like more practical guidance on supporting children’s mental health, you can read our blog here.

When a child opens up about their mental health, your response matters. Some reactions help children feel supported, while others can make them retreat, even if they’re meant kindly.

What to Say

Reassuring, validating language helps children feel heard and taken seriously. It shows them that their emotions matter and that they’re not wrong for feeling the way they do.

Simple responses like –

• “That sounds really hard.”

• “I’m glad you told me.”

• “It makes sense to feel that way.”

• “You don’t have to go through this on your own.”

can help reduce fear and shame. Naming emotions and gently reflecting them back helps children make sense of what they’re feeling and builds confidence in talking about their mental health over time.

What to Avoid

Some responses can unintentionally shut conversations down or make a child feel misunderstood. For example –

• Minimising or dismissing feelings, such as “You’ll be fine” or “It’s not that bad”

• Rushing to problem-solve before fully listening

• Comparing their experience to someone else’s, including siblings or friends

• Pressuring a child to talk when they’re not ready

When children feel dismissed, rushed or compared, they may stop sharing altogether. Slowing the conversation down and focusing on understanding rather than fixing helps keep communication open.

It’s very common for children to avoid talking about their mental health, especially if they’re still trying to make sense of their own feelings. Silence doesn’t mean they’re unwilling or that you’ve done something wrong. For many children, it simply means they need more time.

Children often express emotions in ways that aren’t verbal. Changes in behaviour, play, mood or physical symptoms can all be forms of communication. Paying attention to these signals can be just as important as listening to words.

If a child doesn’t want to talk, the most helpful response is often to remove pressure while keeping the door open. Letting them know you’re available when they’re ready, without repeatedly pushing for answers, helps build trust and emotional safety over time.

One conversation is rarely enough, and that’s okay. Supporting a child’s mental health is an ongoing process rather than a single moment.

After you’ve talked, gentle check-ins can help a child feel remembered and supported without feeling interrogated. Keeping routines predictable and consistent can also be reassuring, especially when emotions feel unsettled.

It’s helpful to let children know that they can come back to the conversation whenever they need to. Some children open up gradually, returning to the topic in small pieces. Others may need long stretches of time before they’re ready to talk again.

If concerns persist or grow, it may be appropriate to seek additional support. Knowing when to reach out for help is part of caring, not a sign that you’ve failed.

Children benefit most when conversations about mental health are normal, ongoing and woven into everyday life, rather than treated as something that only comes up when there’s a problem.

Supporting children’s mental health over time can include –

• Talking openly about feelings in everyday moments
  Naming emotions as they come up helps children understand that feelings are a normal part of life. Simple comments like “That looked really disappointing” or “You seem proud of yourself” help children connect feelings with words.

• Modelling healthy emotional behaviour yourself
  Children learn a lot from watching how adults handle emotions. Showing that it’s okay to feel upset, take a break or talk about worries teaches children that emotions don’t need to be hidden or feared.

• Helping children build language for emotions
  Many children struggle to talk about mental health because they don’t yet have the words. Introducing emotional language through stories, books or everyday conversations can make it easier for them to express what’s going on inside.

When children experience this kind of consistency, they’re more likely to feel secure, understood and confident in expressing themselves.

If you’re worried about a child’s mental health, it’s okay to ask for support.

At The Laura Centre, we provide support for children, young people and adults who have been directly impacted by the death of a parent, child or sibling. Our work focuses on supporting families through grief, helping them feel understood and supported during difficult times.

To find out more about support for children and families, visit thelauracentre.org.uk. Alternatively, if your child hasn’t been impacted by a bereavement, but still needs mental health support, you can find a list of mental health organisations we recommend here.