Supporting a bereaved sibling can be challenging.

Every child responds differently to the death of a brother or sister, and grief isn’t always obvious. Some children want to talk about what has happened, while others keep their emotions to themselves or appear to be coping well on the surface.

For professionals, recognising those differences is important. Understanding how sibling bereavement can affect children and young people can help you identify when extra support may be needed and respond in a way that helps them feel heard, understood and supported.

Losing a brother or sister is unlike any other bereavement.

Siblings grow up side by side, sharing everyday routines, family traditions, holidays and memories. They may have imagined future birthdays, family celebrations and growing older together.

When a sibling dies, those shared experiences and future plans disappear too.

Bereaved siblings are also grieving while watching the people they rely on most, their parents or carers, cope with their own grief. Some children become reluctant to talk about how they’re feeling because they don’t want to add to their family’s pain. Others take on extra responsibilities at home or try to become the child who causes the fewest problems.

Ultimately, sibling bereavement isn’t just about losing a brother or sister. It can also affect a child’s sense of identity, family life, security and future.

Bereaved siblings don’t all grieve in the same way.

Some children become quieter. Others become angry, anxious or throw themselves into school and hobbies. Some seem to cope well at first, only to struggle months later.

Grief doesn’t follow a predictable pattern, so it’s important to look beyond obvious signs of distress.

Here’s what to look out for.

Social Withdrawal

A bereaved sibling may spend more time alone, speak less or appear withdrawn from friends and activities they previously enjoyed.

While some children need quiet time to process their grief, ongoing withdrawal may suggest they’re struggling to cope on their own.

Trying To Protect Their Parents

Many bereaved siblings worry about making life harder for their parents.

They may hide their own emotions, avoid talking about their sibling or insist they’re fine because they don’t want to cause any more upset at home.

Anxiety About Losing Someone Else

After experiencing the death of a sibling, some children become much more aware of how quickly life can change.

They may worry about parents becoming ill, become anxious when family members are late home or need frequent reassurance that loved ones are safe.

Taking On More Responsibility

Some siblings naturally step into a caring role after death.

They may help more around the house, look after younger brothers or sisters or feel responsible for supporting their parents emotionally.

While this can appear mature, carrying these responsibilities can become emotionally overwhelming.

Changes In Behaviour

Grief can also show itself through irritability, difficulty concentrating, emotional outbursts or changes in confidence.

Rather than seeing these behaviours as ‘challenging’, it’s helpful to consider whether they’re a reflection of what the child is coping with underneath.

Although bereavement impacts an entire family, each person has experienced a different and individual loss.

Parents have lost a child, while a bereaved sibling has lost the person they grew up alongside.

Because the family’s attention is often focused on supporting one another, siblings can unintentionally be left without the same opportunities to talk about their own grief.

For professionals, recognising that a bereaved sibling’s experience is unique, rather than part of the wider family’s grief, can make a significant difference to the support they’re offered.

Supporting bereaved siblings is about creating a safe, consistent environment where they know they can talk if and when they choose to.

Here’s what you should do.

Acknowledge Their Loss

It’s easy for conversations to focus on parents after the death of a child, but taking time to acknowledge that the young person has lost their brother or sister reminds them that their grief matters too.

Create Opportunities To Talk

Some bereaved siblings will want to talk about their brother or sister. Others won’t. Instead of encouraging a child to open up before they’re ready, focus on creating an environment where they know they can come to you if and when they want to.

Help Reduce Feelings Of Responsibility

Some bereaved siblings blame themselves for arguments they had, things they said or moments they believe they should have acted differently.

Gentle conversations can help children understand that responsibility and guilt are not always the same thing.

Keep Checking In

Grief changes over time. A child who seems settled in the weeks after a bereavement may struggle months later around birthdays, anniversaries or significant family events.

Continuing to check in can be just as important as the support offered immediately after the death.

The way you respond to a bereaved sibling can shape whether they feel comfortable talking about their grief.

You don’t need to have the perfect words, but acknowledging their loss and showing you’re willing to listen can help a child feel recognised and supported.

Say

Simple, honest conversations are often the most helpful. You could try saying –

• “I’ve been thinking about you.”
• “How have things been for you recently?”
• “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to, but I’m here if you ever do.”
• “Would you like to tell me about your brother or sister?”
• “What would help you most right now?”

Don’t Say

Try to avoid phrases like –

• “You need to be strong for your parents.”
• “At least they’re no longer suffering.”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”
• “I know exactly how you feel.”
• “You’re coping so well.”

These comments are usually said with kindness, but they can unintentionally shut down conversations or make a child feel they need to hide their grief. Instead, focus on listening without judgement and allowing them to express their feelings in their own way.

Grief affects every child differently, but some bereaved siblings benefit from specialist support.

If you’re concerned about significant changes in behaviour, prolonged withdrawal, persistent anxiety, ongoing feelings of guilt or a noticeable decline in their emotional wellbeing, it may be appropriate to discuss additional support with the family.

At The Laura Centre, we support children and young people following the death of a brother, sister or parent. We also provide training and guidance for professionals supporting bereaved families.

By recognising bereaved siblings, listening without judgement and continuing to check in over time, professionals can play an important role in helping children feel supported as they learn to navigate life after the death of their brother or sister.

To find out more about our services, call 0116 254 4341 or email info@thelauracentre.org.uk.