When you’re a bereaved dad, Father’s Day can be really complicated.
You might feel sadness, anger, pride, guilt, gratitude or loneliness. You might feel all of those things before you’ve even had your first coffee of the day. You may also find yourself wondering where you fit into Father’s Day now.
The truth is that losing a child doesn’t stop you being a dad.
Whether your child died recently or many years ago, whether they were a baby or an adult, your relationship with them still matters, and your love for them hasn’t disappeared.
There’s no perfect way to navigate Father’s Day after a loss. But there are ways to make it feel a little more manageable.
Whatever You’re Feeling Is Okay
Father’s Day can bring a lot of expectations with it.
Some people expect it to be an emotional day. Others expect you to carry on as normal. You may even have expectations of yourself about how you should be coping by now.
The reality is that Father’s Day can feel very different from year to year.
Some bereaved dads find the build-up harder than the day itself. Others find the opposite. Some want to talk about their child constantly, while others prefer not to focus on Father’s Day at all.
There isn’t a right way to approach the day, and there isn’t a right way to feel about it either.
Ways To Navigate Father’s Day When You’re A Bereaved Dad
You don’t need a detailed plan for the day, but some bereaved dads find it helpful to think ahead rather than waking up and trying to navigate it moment by moment.
Do Something That Helps You Feel Connected
Connection looks different for everyone.
For some dads, that might mean visiting a place that reminds them of their child. For others, it could be looking through photographs, listening to music, reading old messages or spending time with family.
The activity itself isn’t important. What matters is creating space for memories and allowing yourself to think about your child in whatever way feels natural.
Take A Break From Social Media
Father’s Day can be difficult enough without seeing hundreds of posts celebrating other families.
If social media tends to make grief feel heavier, consider taking a break for the day or limiting how much time you spend scrolling.
Protecting your wellbeing isn’t selfish.
Tell People What You Need
Friends and family often want to help, but they don’t always know how.
If you know Father’s Day is likely to be difficult, let trusted people know what would help. That might mean company. It might mean space. It might just mean somebody checking in.
People can’t always get it right, but giving them some guidance can take pressure off you.
Lower The Expectations
Father’s Day can sometimes feel like a day that needs to be handled perfectly.
You might feel pressure to make plans, create traditions or find a meaningful way to remember your child.
In reality, there is no Father’s Day checklist.
Some years you may want to spend time looking through photographs or visiting a place that reminds you of them. Other years you may want to get through the day and move on. Both are okay.
Sometimes lowering the pressure you put on yourself can make the day feel much easier to navigate.
If you have another child, you may also find yourself trying to balance your own grief with wanting to stay present for them. That can bring its own challenges, particularly if they are grieving too.
If you’re looking for guidance on how to stay present while navigating grief, read our resource ‘How To Stay Present For Your Child As a Grieving Parent‘.
What Other Bereaved Dads Say
Every bereaved dad experiences Father’s Day differently, but one thing many have in common is that they’ve stopped trying to make the day look a certain way.
Instead, they’ve found small approaches that make the day feel more manageable.
“I tell people what I need before Father’s Day arrives. Some years that’s company, some years it’s space and some years I just want somebody to acknowledge my son. I’ve found the day is easier when the people around me aren’t trying to guess what I need.”
“I used to put a lot of pressure on myself to mark Father’s Day in a meaningful way. Now I just do whatever feels right that year. Sometimes that’s looking through photos and talking about my daughter. Other years it’s keeping busy and treating it like any other Sunday.”
“The hardest Father’s Day wasn’t the first one. It was the year nobody mentioned my son at all. Everyone was trying to be kind, but it felt like he had disappeared from the conversation. I’d rather hear his name than have people avoid it.”
“I realised I was spending the whole day making sure everyone else was okay. Checking on my wife, checking on family, responding to messages. I wasn’t stopping to think about what I needed. Once I started doing that, Father’s Day became a little easier to manage.”
If there’s one thing many bereaved dads have in common, it’s that they’ve stopped trying to do Father’s Day the ‘right’ way.
You’re Still A Dad
Father’s Day can sometimes create an uncomfortable question for bereaved fathers – what does fatherhood look like now?
When your child dies, many of the things people traditionally associate with being a dad change too. But being a dad has never only been about the practical role you play.
It’s about the relationship you’ve had with your child, the memories you’ve made together, the lessons you’ve shared and the love that still exists, regardless of how much time you had together.
Your child may not be physically here, but they are still part of your life and your story.
For many bereaved dads, Father’s Day isn’t just about remembering their child. It’s also about recognising that their place as a father still matters.
Help & Support For Bereaved Dads
At The Laura Centre, we support children and adults following the death of a parent, sibling or child. We know that Father’s Day can bring unique challenges for a bereaved dad, no matter how long ago the loss happened.
If you’re finding this time of year particularly difficult, we’re here to listen, support and help.
Call us on 0116 254 4341 or email info@thelauracentre.org.uk.
