Losing a sibling can turn your world upside down. You might not know what you’re supposed to do next. Some people cry a lot, while others feel angry, numb or like nothing has quite sunk in yet. You might feel all of these things at different times, or none of them at all.

If that’s how you’re feeling, you’re not alone. Many young people have similar thoughts and questions after losing a sibling, even if it sometimes feels like no one else really understands what you’re going through.

When someone close to you dies, your mind and body are trying to process something very difficult. Because of this, grief can show up in many different ways.

Some people experience very strong emotions, while others feel almost nothing at first. Both responses are completely normal.

You might notice feelings such as –

• Deep sadness or crying unexpectedly

• Anger at what has happened

• Feeling confused or unable to concentrate

• Guilt or wondering if something could have been different

• Feeling numb or emotionally ‘switched off’

• Feeling jealous of friends who still have their siblings

• Feeling forgotten while adults focus on other family members

• Feeling anxious about other people dying

Grief doesn’t follow a clear pattern. Some days will feel manageable, while others will be much harder. These ups and downs are a normal part of adjusting after losing a sibling.

Grief can bring up a lot of thoughts and questions you might not have expected. You might wonder why you feel the way you do or why other people seem to be coping differently. The truth is that many young people have these same questions, even if they don’t always say them out loud.

Is It Normal To Feel Angry After Losing A Sibling?

Yes. Anger is a very common part of grief.

It’s common to feel angry at the situation, at the unfairness of what has happened or even at people around you. Some people feel angry at doctors, teachers, family members or even at the person who died for leaving them behind.

Anger is often a reaction to the sense of injustice that comes with losing someone so important. It’s one of the ways our minds try to process painful events.

Why Do I Feel Guilty?

Guilt is another feeling many people experience after losing a sibling.

You might find yourself thinking things like –

• “I wish I had spent more time with them”

• “What if I had done something differently?”

• “Why did they die and not me?”

These thoughts are sometimes called survivor guilt. They happen because our minds try to look for reasons or explanations when something tragic occurs.

It’s important to remember that the death of a sibling isn’t your fault, and feeling guilty doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.

Why Do I Feel Numb Or Like It Hasn’t Fully Set In?

Grief doesn’t always feel intense straight away. For many people, the first reaction is actually numbness.

Everything around you may continue as normal – people going to school, talking, laughing – while part of you still can’t make sense of what has happened.

This numbness is a very common reaction to shock. When something upsetting happens, the brain can slow down emotional responses so that the situation isn’t completely overwhelming all at once.

As time passes, different emotions start to appear. Sadness, anger, confusion or other feelings may come and go, sometimes when you least expect them.

Why Does My Family Feel Different Now?

Your parents will also be experiencing very deep grief. At times they may seem quieter, more emotional or less able to focus on normal routines. This can be difficult to see, and it may leave things feeling unsettled at home.

Everyone in a family grieves differently. Some people want to talk about what has happened, while others find it harder to put their feelings into words. Because of this, family members can sometimes seem distant from one another, even though they are all dealing with the same loss.

But over time, families begin to find new ways of supporting each other and adjusting to life after such a significant change.

School can feel like a very different place after losing a sibling. The first few days or weeks back can feel particularly difficult, so it can help to think about a few small things that may make the return a little easier.

• Let a teacher or trusted member of staff know what has happened. This helps them understand if you’re finding things difficult and means they can support you if needed.

• Decide what you feel comfortable sharing. Some people prefer to explain what has happened to close friends, while others keep it brief or choose not to talk about it at all.

• Be patient with yourself if concentration is harder than usual. Grief can make it difficult to focus, remember things or feel motivated.

• Take breaks if things feel overwhelming. Stepping outside the classroom or speaking to a trusted adult can help when emotions start to build up.

• Spend time with friends who make you feel comfortable. Being around supportive people can help the school day feel a little easier.

Returning to school doesn’t mean everything has to feel normal straight away. It just means finding ways to continue with everyday life while you’re still adjusting to a big change.

One of the biggest concerns people have is that as time passes, their memories of their sibling might fade. You might feel this way, but you will never ‘forget’ your sibling. And if you want to keep their memory alive, there are many different ways to do this. Some ideas include –

• Creating a memory box with photos, letters, drawings or items that remind you of your sibling

• Writing letters to your sibling about things you wish you could tell them

• Keeping a journal of memories, writing down moments you shared together

• Looking through photos or videos and remembering happy times

• Talking about your sibling with family members or friends and sharing stories

• Doing something your sibling enjoyed, such as listening to their favourite music or watching a film they loved

• Marking birthdays, anniversaries or special dates in a way that feels meaningful

• Creating something in their memory, such as artwork, a playlist or planting a tree or flowers

There is no right or wrong way to remember your sibling. What matters most is finding ways that feel meaningful and comforting to you.

Grief can be very difficult, and sometimes it can feel really overwhelming. If feelings of sadness, anger or worry remain very intense for a long time, it may help to talk to someone outside your immediate circle.

Talking to a professional who is experienced in supporting bereaved young people can provide a safe space to explore what you’re feeling and help you find ways to cope with the challenges that can come with losing a sibling.

At The Laura Centre, we support children, young people and families who have experienced the death of a child or sibling. We offer free, specialist bereavement support in a safe and supportive environment, where you can talk openly about your thoughts, feelings and experiences.

If you’re 18 or over, you can contact The Laura Centre and refer yourself for support. If you’re under 18, a parent, carer or another trusted adult will need to make the referral on your behalf.

Reaching out for support can feel like a big step, but it can also help you feel less alone while you navigate life after losing your sibling.