Insomnia and grief are closely linked. When someone dies, the mind and body enter a state of stress, and sleep often becomes one of the first things to change. Nights can feel long and overwhelming, and mornings can bring a tiredness that affects concentration, mood and daily routines.

These sleep changes are a natural response to loss, but that doesn’t make them easy to live through. Here’s why you may have noticed a change in your sleeping pattern, and what you can do to improve it.

Grief can influence sleep in multiple ways. It affects the body and mind simultaneously, making it harder to rest

Strong emotions like sadness, anxiety, guilt or anger stimulate the nervous system, making it difficult for the brain to settle into rest mode. At the same time, the mind works harder. At night, when there’s fewer distractions, we often replay memories, think about ‘what if’ scenarios and plan for a changed future.

Our bodies also hold grief physically, through tight shoulders, a heavy chest or general restlessness, which prevents us from relaxing. And a change in appetite, activity levels and structure can make it harder for the body to recognise when it’s time to wind down too.

Combined, these changes create a state in which it’s almost impossible to relax, making sleep feel unfamiliar, unpredictable and out of reach.

When rest becomes difficult in this way, sleep routines often shift. You might stay awake much later than usual, fall asleep only to wake again or find yourself waking earlier than you want to. Some people start relying on short naps during the day to cope with tiredness, while others sleep more than before but still wake feeling drained. These changes are a common response to emotional stress. When the body’s internal rhythm is unsettled, sleep can become fragmented or unpredictable, and it may take time for rest cycles to stabilise again.

These changes can also affect how you sleep alongside someone else. When a partner is grieving too, your needs at night may no longer align. One person may lie awake while the other sleeps, or one might need closeness while the other finds rest easier with space and quiet. Some couples choose to sleep separately for a period, not because something is wrong between them, but to protect rest when both people are coping in different ways.

There are plenty of approaches that can ease the pressure around sleep during grief. One helpful place to start is calming the mind before bedtime. Grief often feels louder at night, so creating space earlier in the day for emotions – through talking, counselling or even journalling – can reduce the surge in feelings that arrive later in the day.

Supporting the body is equally important. The nervous system needs physical signals that it is safe enough to rest. Gentle routines such as a warm shower, stretching, soft breathing exercises or slow movement can help release tension and prepare the body for sleep. Limiting caffeine, heavy meals and stimulating screens late in the evening also gives the body fewer obstacles when trying to settle.

Your sleep environment plays a role too. A cool, calm, low-light space can make nights feel less overwhelming. Soft background noise may help create a sense of comfort, especially when quiet feels emotionally intense. When possible, keeping the bed mainly for sleep, rather than scrolling or processing emotions, helps the brain associate that space with rest rather than alertness.

It can also be useful to include grief-specific rituals. Some people benefit from acknowledging their loss earlier in the day, and then gently closing that moment before moving toward sleep. This allows emotions to be seen and felt without asking the brain to carry the full weight of grief right as it tries to rest.

Certain patterns can unintentionally intensify insomnia and grief, even when they feel comforting in the moment.

Suppressing emotions during the day is one common trap. When difficult feelings are pushed down or kept busy until bedtime, they tend to surface at night when distractions disappear.

Long irregular naps can also disrupt sleep cycles. Short naps may be useful in the early stages of loss when fatigue is overwhelming, but extended daytime sleep trains the body to remain wakeful at night.

Alcohol is another common pitfall. It may seem to soften emotions, but alcohol fragments sleep, increases dehydration and heightens early-morning waking and anxiety. It also worsens vivid dreams and nightmares – particularly in people already processing trauma or shock following a loss.

Finally, placing pressure on yourself to “get back to normal” can create a stress response that works directly against sleep. The nervous system cannot relax when it feels scrutinised or rushed, making getting to sleep much harder.

Some sleep disturbance is expected after loss, but there are times when additional support may be required. If insomnia continues for several weeks with little improvement, if anxiety or distress escalates at night or if tiredness begins to affect work, safety or daily functioning, reaching out for help is a sensible and proactive step.

Speaking to a GP can rule out medical contributors and open the door to structured sleep support, while bereavement counselling can also provide emotional space in the daytime so that nights feel less overwhelming.

Some useful contacts include –

• Your GP – for sleep support and mental health guidance.

• The Laura Centre – free bereavement counselling for adults and children.

• Cruse Bereavement Support – national bereavement helpline.

• Samaritans (24/7) – support if you’re struggling, feeling overwhelmed or need someone to speak to about suicidal thoughts.

• NHS 111 – for urgent mental health advice and signposting.

• Shout Textline (24/7) – free text support for immediate help in moments of distress or crisis.

Digital tools shouldn’t replace professional support, but they can make nights more manageable by offering structure, grounding or a steady voice when thoughts feel loud.

Some of our favourite podcasts include –

• Nothing Much Happens – short, gentle bedtime stories read slowly to help the mind unwind.

• Sleep Cove – guided meditations, sleep hypnosis and relaxing stories aimed at easing anxiety and settling the nervous system before bed.

• Radio Headspace – short daily episodes and dedicated sleep content focused on breath, grounding and easing mental tension at night.

Likewise, some sleep apps we recommend are –

• Sleepio – structured cognitive behavioural programme for insomnia, used by the NHS.

• Headspace – contains evidence-based sleep content and breathing exercises.

• Calm – sleep stories and gentle audio designed for settling the body.

Sleep difficulties after loss are common, but you don’t have to navigate them alone. At The Laura Centre, we offer free bereavement counselling for adults who have lost a child and children who have lost a parent or sibling, providing a space to talk openly about grief and the many ways loss affects daily life – including sleep.

To learn more, visit www.thelauracentre.org.uk  or call us on 0116 254 4341.